eatsnutsandkicksbutts

Squirrel Girl! Are you dead or alive?

Alive! What's up, Loki? Did you think I was dead?

Yeah, I was a little worried for a hot second there! But I knew you could handle yourself. Check-ins ought to be mandatory in our line of business, that's all!

Good point, good point! It's sweet of you to check in, but I'm rough'n'tough, you don't have to worry about me.

How about you? You doing ok?

I'm good. 'Bout to get up to some shenanigans, I won't lie to you.

Oh, yeah? What kind of shenanigans?

[ SUSPICIONS RISING... ]

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Squirrel Girl!!!

Loki!!

What's up? Tell me this isn't another 'I'ma rob a BANK' phone call, because if it is, I will rescind that brunch offer from earlier.

I like a boy and he doesn't want to date me.

Aw, I'm sorry. That's always tough. You handling it okay?

No! He's stupid! He should want me and then I could be the one to say Ooo, no, I'm too bad for you, and teach him a lesson or something, but instead he's just pleasant all the time and it's infuriatingly cute.

Oh it's the worst when they're cute and polite about it on top of everything else! That's just rude!

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Hey Doreen! Thanks for coffee the other day. Wanted to let you know I got to talking to someone during a gig, and they might want some help with someone who is good at websites. If you’re interested, here’s the contact info.

[Attached: Professional Contact Information for Jason Todd, Owner/Operator of Descendant]

Oh dude WHAT!! That would be amazing, seriously! Thank you! :D I'll message him ASAP!

FREELANCE PALS SOLIDARITY!

Totally! I really loved the design of the place but I took SO many more pictures than would be needed. And I thought ‘well he could use them for the website’ because, you know, facebook based pages for businesses are miserable. So I thought of you, and asked if I could send his info to you.

I’ve got SO many picture. Not even kidding.

man how big IS this place? It must be pretty swanky if you're that impressed!

and agreed, facebook pages are the worst, do not want

seriously though, thank you! I just wrapped up a job, and the next contract I had lined up bailed on me, so this timing is perfect :D

It's less that it's big and swanky, and more that it's my vibe. It's just right.

I'm so glad. Hopefully you two can come to a deal. He was pretty fair with me on it. I might accidentally become a regular.

[Somehow he found wrapping paper with squirrels on it. She'll receive two boxes: one filled with what is labeled as 'squirrel feed mix', the other a mousepad. Except it's one of those mouse pads with the big gel wrist rest at the base. But it's clearly fanart-ish because the mousepad is Squirrel girl and the cushion is the tail.

Along with it all is a note: I couldn't believe it when I found this online. A squirrel-theme super heroine! Figured you or the little pals might wanna be fans!]

[Delivered to her home address is a package labeled 'from Alleyne'. Inside is a sweater. One is clearly for Doreen and there is a card with it for the fiber artist who knit it.

There is also a collection of ten little scarves in the same color, all of squirrel appropriate length.]

Did I talk to you in a deli last week, or was that also a hallucination

[He's honestly sort of hoping it was, because that would be a lot easier for him to deal with, but! That'd be weird!]

oH MY GOD

I'M SO SORRY YES THAT WAS A THING

Oh, god.

[THANKS HE HATES IT]

Sorry about that.

[like what do you even say in these circumstances???]

no I'm sorry!! you don't have to apologize for anything, I panicked and tried to make you see CATS!!

Don't be hard on yourself. I don't know what I would've done in your shoes.

[Short of just grab her and try to carry her out. But that's not really a real option.]